K A T U W A A N L A N G

Funny Signs #1

2009-06-26T14:25:00.002+08:00

Funny Text Message #01

2009-02-23T09:31:00.000+08:00

Guro: ano ang dapat gawin kapag lumindol??

Pepito: buksan po ang ilaw!!!

Guro: Bakit?

Pepito: kasi po sa kubo naming madalas lumindol pag gabi… pero pagnagswitch ako ng ilaw biglang natigil…

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Anak: Tay mag-ingat kayo sa DANK TRAK..

Tatay: anong dantrak??

Anak: yung pong trak na sampu ang gulong na karga buhangin…

Tatay: hindi dantrak yan… “TEN MILLER!!”

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Ang love sa una masaya…

Kiss dito.. yakap doon…

I love you dito… sex doon…

Pero pag wala.. iiwanan ka na…

Iyak dito.. iyak doon…

“Shit na love yan.. sana puro SEX na lang!!!”

Funny Youtube Videos

2009-02-22T10:57:00.000+08:00

Funny youtub videos

www.youtube.com

Game show muna tyo...

2009-02-20T09:25:00.000+08:00

Ayon ke Bob Ong...

SET THE CLOCK...

Host: Ano sa Ingles ang “hinlalaki”?
Contestant: Thumbmark

Host: Ano ang ginagamit ng mga swimmers para bumilis ang kanilang paglanggoy?
Contestant: Fast Shoes

Host: Kung si Superman ay may Lois Lane, ano naman ang kay Robinhood?
contestant: Pana.

Host: Anong “S” ang inuupuan pag nakasakay sa kabayo?
contestant: Silya

Host: Ano ang karaniwang hugis ng manibela?
contestant: Triangular

Host: Hindi ito boob, hindi ito tube, pero tinatawag ng iba na boob tube. Ano ito?
contestant: Bra

Host: Kelan ang Pasko sa Davao?
contestant: PASS…

Host: Anong tawag sa isdang hindi bilasa?
contestant: tuyo

Host: Ilan ang legs ng cartoon character na si Spiderman?
contestant: Eight

Host: Ano ang nationality ng sanggol na may amang Filipino Catholic at Protestanteng
Ina?
Contestant: American

Host: Merong four seasons: winter, spring, summer, at fall. kelan nahuhulog ang mga
dahon?
contestant: sa storm

Host: Anong bukol ang makikita sa leeg ng mga lalaki?
contestant: Kiss mark

Host: ano ang kulay ng orange juice kapag nilagay sa blue na baso?
contestant: …Violet

Host: anong malambot na bahagi sa ulo ng sanggol?
contestant: batok

Host: magbigay ng bagay na ipini-pin sadamit?
contestant: Hairpin

Host: Ano ang nagpapaalat sa itlog na maalat?
contestant: Puti

Host: ano ang tawag sa mga needle-like projections na nakasabit sa ceiling ng mga caves?
contestant: Ice pick

Host: ano ang tawag sa plastic bag na lalagyan ng basura?
contestant: plastic bag na nilalagyan ng basura.

Host: anong C ang paboritong kainin ng mga rabbit?
contestant: Cacamber

Host: ang urine ay liquid: TRUE OR FALSE
contestant: False

Host: anong ang system n g MAth na gumagamit ng symbols instead of numbers?
contestant: ummm…China?

Host: anong ginawa ni MOses sa Red Sea?
contestant: Stop

Host: what is the capital of the Philippines?
contestant: P

Host: anong klaseng sapatos ang ginagamit ng mga basketbolista?
contestant: adidas

Host: sino ang pumatay kay David?
contestant: Goliath

host: ano ang tawag sa taong walang suot sa paa?
contestant: Slipperless

Host: kung ang bulag ay blind ano naman ang english ng pipi?
contestant: Walang salita

Host: anong sea creature ang kalahating kabayo at kalahating isda?
contestant: syokoy

Host: ano ang nasa gitna ng donut?
contestant: palaman

Host: ang salad dressing ba ay damit
contestant: (sandaling nagisip) YES!

Host: Anong klaseng sasakyan ang inaayos sa hangar?
contestant: sirang sasakyan

host: ano ang nilalagay sa sewing machine?
contestant: lagari?

host: ilan taon meron sa leap year?
contestant: 365

host: anong hayop ang di-nakakakita sa sa araw ngunit nakakakita sa dilim?
contestant: flashlight

host: Ano ang tawag sa laro kung saan ang dalawang team ang naghihilahan sa isang lubid?
contestant: tumbang-preso

host: kung manicure sa kamay, ano ang sa paa?
contestant: kuko

host: ano ang isunusuot ng mg boksingero sa ulo nila bilang proteksyon?
contestant: Sumbrero

host: ano ang tawag sa laman sa loob ng buto: marrow or muscle?
contestant: karne

host: para saa ang anti-dandruff shampoo?
contestant: kuto

host: anong englis ng ampalaya?
contestant: asparagus

host: ilang metro mayroon sa 300 meters?
contestant: 3000

host: anong sasakyan ang gamit sa “tour de france”?
contestant: Kalesa

Host: ano ang kasunod ng kidlat?
contestant: sunog

host: saan matatagpuan ang Quebec?
contestant: afghanistan

host: tinuturo ang G-clef sa anong “M” na subject?
contestant: Mathematics

host: ano ang halaman na tumitiklop kapag ito’y nahawakan?
contestant: Hiya-hiya

host: ano ang itlog na ayon sa iba, nakakapagpatigas ng tuhod?
contestant: TAMA!

host: ano ang isinusuot ng taong walang buhok?
contestant: Kalbo

host: anong zip ang ginagamit sa pagbukas ng pantalon?
contestant: pagbukas ng bag

host: anong “D” ang first word sa stanza ng JIngle bells?
contestant: dyingel?

host: anong “H” ang tawag sa taong nagiisa?
contestant: home alone

host: Sa anong bansa nakatira ang mga Hindu?
contestant: hindunesia

host: kungang ubo ay sa bibig, ano naman ang sa ilong?
contestant: Vicks

host: ano ang kulay ng strawberry?
contestant: ube

host: anong klaseng animal ang Afghan Hound?
contestant: Afghanistan

host: sinong American president ang nagkapolyo noong 1920’s
contestant: Apolinario Mabini..

Thoughts #01 -- Women and Men

2009-02-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

ON RELATIONSHIPS:

When a relationship ends, a woman cries till her tear ducts dry, yaks on and on to her gfs, writes a poem, listens to sad music, raids the shops at Megamall and goes on a full beauty make-over-all these in a month or less. Then she goes on with her life.

A man only reacts from 6 mos to a year after break-up. This is the 3 a.m. drunken call he makes to his ex: "I hate you, you ruined my life...Uh, baka pwede pa tayo?"

ON MATURITY:

Women take to maturity faster and earlier. A 16-year-old female can effectively care for an infant.

A 16-year-old male can make the family dog drink Tanduay. That's why high school romances rarely work out.

ON PHONE ATTITUDE:

A man uses the phone only if he has something specific to say: "Pare Basket tayo bukas. Gym. 8 sharp. Bye." He delivers a short
telegraphic message and hangs up after 6 minutes.

A woman doesn't need a particular reason to call a friend. She can
visit her gal pal for a week and upon returning home, call the same
friend and chat for three hours!

ON HANDWRITING:

Men's chicken-scratch handwriting gives women a headache.

Women's Letters give men migraine: she uses scented and colored
stationeries and dot hers with circles and hearts. She writes to
dump him and puts a smiley face or a sunflower at the end of the
letter.

ON DIRECTIONS:

When a female driver gets lost, she stops at a gas station and asks for directions.

A male driver simply won't even, if a little voice inside
his head is going, "May makakakita pa kaya sa atin na buhay?" He'll
drive around for two hours trying to figure a way out.

ON PHOTOGRAPHY:

Men take photography very seriously.They shell out thousands of
pesos for state-of-the-art cameras and other equipment, build dark rooms
and take photography classes.

Women buy Kodak instamatics... and end up taking better pix.

ON BOXING:

Observe a couple watching a boxing match on TV.

Dela Hoya knock Chavez down and the wife says, "Kawawa naman, ang sakit siguro."

Her husband groans, doubles over and actually feels the pain.

ON VANITY:

Men are vain. They check their reflection on mirrors every chance they get.

Women will check themselves out on shiny surface: mirrors, spoons,
Silver balloons, store windows.

ON TOYS:

Little girls love toys but outgrow them at age 11 or 12.

When little boys grow older, their toys just get more expensive, not to mention SILLY and IMPRACTICAL-mini TVs, car phones, VIDEO GAMES, AIRSOFT RIFLES!

ON DRESSING UP:

Women will dress up to go the mall, beauty parlor or even the grocery Store at the corner.

Men dress up for weddings, and his funeral.

ON HYGIENE:

A man has 6 items (toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream, soap, shampoo) in the bathroom.

A woman has 247, including such indispensable products as
hypoallergenic facial hair removing cream, dramatically
different and non-fragrance clarifying lotion #10 and apricot
scrubs!!! Including lactic acid.

ON EATING OUT:

When eating out, men will each throw out large bills. No one has a smaller bill and some unlucky guy would end up paying just so they can get out.

When women dine out, as soon as the check arrives, out comes pocket calculators!!

ON TRAVEL:

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack for 5 days worth of Clothes and he will wear some things twice.

A woman will pack 21 changes of clothes coz she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

ON RESTROOMS:

Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons.

Women see restrooms as social lounges.

Men in a restroom will not speak to each other.

Women who have never met before will leave a restroom giggling
together like old friends.

And NEVER in the history of the world has a man excused himself
from a restaurant by saying, "Pare, I got to pee. Wanna join me?"

Trivia #01

2009-02-18T14:07:00.000+08:00

Some are old, but still some are very informative and interesting..
Makes you feel a notch smarter than the one sitting beside you...

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades -
King David, Clubs -Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

3. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 =12,345,678,987,654,321

4. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person
died in battle; If the horse has one front leg in the air,the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; If the horse has all four legs on the ground,the person died of natural causes.

5. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the
letter "A"? Answer - One thousand; Note: One Hundred "And" One etc. cannot be
included because 'AND' is not a number.

6. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes,windshield wipers and laser printers all have in
common?Ans. - All invented by women.

7. Q. This is the only food that will not spoil even when not refrigerated. What is
this?...........Answer: Honey

8. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

9. A snail can sleep for three years.

10. All polar bears are left handed.

11. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

12. Butterflies taste with their feet.

13. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

14. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

15. Michael Jordan gets more money from Nike annually than ALL of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

16. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

17. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

18. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

19. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

20. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

21. The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.

22. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

23. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30
feet.

24. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

25. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

26. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

27. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

28. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the
keyboard.

29. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

30. Nobody in recorded human history has ever succeeded in killing himself or herself by
trying to hold his or her breath.

31. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

32. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a
millisecond.

33. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

34. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

35. If you sneeze hard, you may fracture a rib. If you suppress a sneeze, you may rupture a
blood vessel in your head or neck.

36. Rats multiply so quickly that, in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

37. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

38. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

39. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

40. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

And finally..about 90% of people who will read this through line 31 will try to lick their
elbow... have a nice day!

Bob Ong Halo Halo Quotes

2009-02-17T07:05:00.000+08:00

by Bob Ong

"Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon sa hinaharap, mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

"Ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko."

"Hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

"Hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan. "

"Sabi nila, sa kahit ano raw problema, isang tao lang ang makakatulong sa'yo - ang sarili mo. Tama sila. Isinuplong ako ng sarili ko. Kaya siguro namigay ng konsyensya ang Diyos, alam niyang hindi sa lahat ng oras e gumagana ang utak ng tao."

"Obligasyon kong maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta sa kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko."

"Masama akong tao, tulad mo, sa parehong paraan na mabuti kang tao, tulad ko."

"Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala."

"Iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala."

"Iba ang informal grammar sa mali!!!"

"Para san ba ang cellphone na may camera? Kung kailangan sa buhay un, dapat matagal na kong patay."

"Pare, isa kang totoong tao at walang halong kasinungalingan. In English, FACT you, pare. Totoo ka. In English, FACT you!

Bob Ong Life Quotes

2009-02-15T22:02:00.000+08:00

by bob ong

"Nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the- blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

"Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

"Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya, palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde. Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok sa kili-kili. Sa banding huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

"Tuparin ang mga pangarap. Obligasyon mo yan sa sarili mo. Kung gusto mo mang kumain ng balde-baldeng lupa para malagay ka sa Guinness Book of World Records at maipagmalaki ng bansa natin, sige lang. Nosi balasi. wag mong pansinin ang sasabihin ng mga taong susubok humarang sa'yo. Kung hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon, hindi pa rin tayo dapat nakatira sa jupiter ngayon. Pero hindi pa rin naman talaga tayo nakatira sa jupiter dahil nga hindi nagsumikap ang mga scientist noon. Kita mo yung moral lesson?"

"Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras."

Love Quotes

2009-02-15T09:47:00.000+08:00

Love Quotes Quotes by Bob Ong

"Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

"Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."

"Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

"Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

"Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

"Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo... Dapat lumandi ka din."

"Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

"Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

"Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka... Kaya quits lang."

"Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?"

"Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka."

"Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya..."

"Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pag tinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

"Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay!

"Tandaan mo:
magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"